“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom” – Bertrand Russell

INTRODUCTION – WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

Fear of speaking in public is considered to be the number one phobia. Incredible isn’t it, especially when communication forms such an important part of all our lives? We are constantly communicating something to somebody and if fear of expressing our thoughts or ideas in words becomes paralyzing for us, we find ourselves at a great disadvantage.

Fear is merely an emotion, a very strong one, but an emotion just like sadness or happiness.Fear alerts us to dangers that may be lurking close by. This danger may be real or imagined. Fear is a feeling of loathing in relation to certain objects or situations and this dislike causes us to modify our behaviour.

Most of us already know about the flight or fight response in which a biochemical reaction in the body prepares it to enter into combat or run away. In the days of the caveman, this response was essential for the survival of the individual. Fear is a warning that death or destruction may be imminent and it is designed to make us withdraw from any situation which may prove injurious. We can see that fear is a normal response - but how does this affect us in our everyday lives? Fear may put you under immense stress which we all know can be harmful to health. It may also prevent you from carrying out and enjoying seemingly routine activities. The key to overcoming fear and to live life to the full is to respond to it appropriately.

Stage fright has long been considered a phenomenon which plagues actors, musicians, dancers and performing artists in general, causing them varying degrees of panic before a performance. But how many of us have felt anxious to the point of physical illness when we have had to speak in front of others? Speaking in public can take many forms.

These can include: going for an interview, giving a presentation of your products or services, giving evidence in court, speaking at your child’s school meeting, making a speech at a wedding, taking an oral examination , inviting someone on a date, asking a favour, asking for a price reduction, making a complaint, teaching a class, giving a talk or lecture, asking for a raise, meeting new people, making phone calls

Can you describe any instances of stage fright in your own life?

Given this ever-growing list, I think we can redefine stage fright as “an unwanted response to a situation where we are obliged to speak outside our familiar environment”. The consequences of giving in to stage fright can be devastating. You may not get the job you need to enable you and your family to move forward, the contract to sell your product or service goes to your competitor, you don’t speak up on behalf of yourself or your child and do your best for him, you lose the love of your life.

Do you avoid the public speaking situations that provoke unpleasant emotions and physical symptoms? YES/NO

Do you avoid the situation? ALWAYS/FREQUENTLY/SOMETIMES

To characterise stage fright we might say that it is a feeling of being microscopically examined and our greatest fear is that we will be lacking in some way or other. You don’t want to feel you have let down yourself or others.

At one time, way in the past, close examination of this kind might have been the forerunner to being eaten. The group protected the individual and this group shield was vital to survival. Being alone might have had dire consequences. In the 21^st century we still cling to the idea the group will protect us and so we must have its approval to remain part of it. The response to fear is highly personalized. Some people actually enjoy it and seek out opportunities to experience the thrill; others have a negative reaction and will do anything in their power to avoid the situation.

A victim of fear perceives a personal threat, and, coupled with this, a loss of control. If he doesn’t find ways of overcoming it, he finds himself in a horror story of his own making. In order to get things under control, it is necessary to accept that you suffer from stage fright, to learn more, to understand it better and to find ways and means of changing your thoughts and your behaviour.

I have never met anyone who isn’t afraid of something so it’s important to remember that we are not the only person who feels fear. The more able we are to face up to our fears, the less power the fear will have over us. The more we give in, the greater the fear grows. Once you acknowledge your fear, learn more about it, adjust the way you think and behave, then you are well on your way to annihilating that fear.

Physical reactions to the fear may include: a racing heart, sweating palms, trembling, shortness of breath, butterflies in the stomach, nausea/abdominal discomfort, feeling shivery, numbness or tingling in the hands, a feeling that the world being unreal , a feeling of being outside one’s body, a feeling of going mad, a feeling you are going to die, dizziness, stuttering, a blank mind, a need to visit the bathroom

Charles Darwin in his book “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals” gave us a very vivid description of fear: “Fear is often preceded by astonishment, and is so far akin to it, that both lead to the senses of sight and hearing being instantly aroused. In both cases the eyes and mouth are widely opened, and the eyebrows raised. The frightened man at first stands like a statue motionless and breathless, or crouches down as if instinctively to escape observation. The heart beats quickly and violently, so that it palpitates or knocks against the ribs... That the skin is much affected under the sense of great fear, we see in the marvellous manner in which perspiration immediately exudes from it... the hairs also on the skin stand erect; and the superficial muscles shiver. In connection with the disturbed action of the heart, the breathing is hurried. The salivary glands act imperfectly; the mouth becomes dry, and is often opened and shut.”

Fear of speaking in public is more often than not a combination of many fears. These can include: fear of criticism, fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ridicule, fear of the imperfection, fear of losing control.

These are just a few of the many fears that keep us from reaching our full potential. We are going to examine these in detail throughout the course. You may find that it is a cocktail of several that stops you from communicating in the way you would like to.

Dialogue:

Q: Why is speaking in public a problem?

A: I don’t want to look ridiculous.

Q: What does looking ridiculous mean to you?

A: People criticising me and what I say, in front of others.

Q: What does criticising mean to you?

A: Well, people reject what I have to say.

Q: How might someone make you feel rejected?

A: Perhaps by embarrassing me by disagreeing with what I say or asking difficult questions.

And so it goes on. Does any of this sound familiar?

The Jedi Master Yoda wisely said: “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering.” Decide today that you will live your life with purpose and not with fear.

SELF-AWARENESS ACTIVITIES

During this course you are going to get to know yourself better. This means looking at yourself and how you live your life at the moment. As a result of this reflection, I hope you will start to take action which will bring about change.

What will happen if I don’t change things?

What are you currently experiencing in relation to speaking in public that you don’t like? Have you identified any of the fears on the list of fears as “your” fears?

Do you feel angry, sad, disappointed... when you experience the fear over and over again?

How will it be if this situation continues far into the future?

How will it be if you make some positive changes instead?

What do you want to achieve from the work we do on this course?

Why I must change things!

List 10 reasons why you MUST make changes in this area of your life Examples: I will feel 20 times more confident. I will be able to contribute more to my family, friends and environment.

List 10 consequences of NOT making changes in this area of your life Examples: I will never live the life of my dreams if I don’t! I will never do the best for my family.

If you allow fears to prevail they will prevent you from living life to the full. Face your fear and you can look forward to reaching your goal of speaking comfortably in public situations.

TECHNIQUES TOOLBOX

In each lesson, there will be activities for you to experiment with and by the end of the course you will have quite an armoury of techniques. There is no one-size-fits-all. It’s a question of trying them all and then selecting the ones that you like best and feel most comfortable with. Once you have your weapons, you can use them whenever the need arises.

GUIDED VISUALISATION

Relax and start to play with ideas about how speaking SUCCESSFULLY in public might look and feel. Use positive language, no negatives. Use present tenses

Where are you?

How are you feeling?

What is happening around you?

What can you see?

What can you hear?

If you had no fear, what would you ideally be doing in this situation?

How proud are you feeling?

How does it feel to speak up without fear?

ACTION STEPS

What are you going to introduce or change in your life to start you moving towards the scenario you have described above? What small steps could you take in the next week? Try to include at least 3 action steps. Example: I will write out a paragraph (based on the above) about how I see myself speaking in a public situation. Try to carry out at least 3 action steps each week.

A REWARD

If you have worked through this lesson and carried out some small action steps, you deserve a reward. Think of some way that you can reward yourself for a job well done. It may be a walk on the beach or in the country; it may be a bath with oceans of bubbles and some candles on the side; it may be a big bar of chocolate but please, treat yourself – you deserve it.

Congratulations. You’ve taken the first step towards slaying the dragons that have been preventing you from speaking up when necessary. It takes courage to face up to things that you feel are not right and admit this, even if only to yourself. It takes even greater courage to act on this knowledge and commit yourself to improving the situation, knowing that along the way you might be faced with difficult and challenging moments. Communication is essential for our well-being, and we must all make sure that we are as well-prepared as we can be to communicate effectively.

Over the coming weeks, we will work together to make the fear of speaking in front of others a thing of the past. All this needs is willingness on your part to take action, change your thinking and, as a result, change your behaviour.

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it” - Jiddu Krishnamurti